Dreams

What do dreams mean? I woke up today around 7am and remembered my dream i was going to my school looking for someone special I met my friend a common friend with that special someone I asked her where she was she told me she was in the 5th floor and I went there to get her then i woke up. When I woke up I remembered that you can continue your dream if you can go back to sleep Immediately so I tried that went to sleep then my dream went on then I saw her for the 3 time I saw her in my dreams I haven't seen her in 3 weeks almost and I really miss her.. and yes I planned on getting her number finally next week I will take a leave and then finally text her and that's what exactly happened in my dream..

With all honesty I am a fool for her.. even when i'm sad the thought of her makes me happy :)

Missing

I'm suppose to be excited since I got my pay already, got my RN title, and gets to see Marianing my firends animation movie which I ve been waiting for the past 2 years but I am really still missing something.

I'm missing this crazy girl who I barely know but I am in over my head for her...

Straw Hat...

The Image of a Fool is often portrayed by a vagabond by a person who is roaming around with a straw hat and it reminds me of somethings I love which is... One Piece.

"One Piece (ワンピース Wan Piisu^?) is a Japanese shōnen manga series written and illustrated by Eiichiro Oda. It has been serialized inWeekly Shōnen Jump since August 4, 1997; the individual chapters are being published in tankōbon volumes by Shueisha, with the first released on December 24, 1997, and the 67th volume released as of August 2012. One Piece follows the adventures of Monkey D. Luffy, a young man whose body gains the properties of rubber after inadvertently eating a devils fruit, and his diverse crew of pirates, named the Straw Hat Pirates. Luffy explores the ocean in search of the world's ultimate treasure known as the One Piece and to become the next Pirate King. Along his journey, Luffy makes several friends and battles a wide variety of villains, many of whom try to kill the Straw Hats."*according to Wikipedia I go to lazy to explain what it is so I prefer this*

I love One Piece though It wasn't my first anime/manga I can tell you by far it is my favorite. It was created by Eiichiro Oda who was first inspired to be a mangaka because of Akira Toriyama *Dragon Ball ladies and gentlemen* but like every one he started small he became an asistant to many mangakas inculding Honjo Kamatari Rouruni Kenshin*samurai X* then in 1997 made One piece which became a hit and is now running with 67 issues of manga and currently has 679 chapters. I mean Oda is a Genius his characters are interesting, his humor is great and his story is amazing though he leaves most of us hanging most of the time he still manages to deliver by far he is one of my favorite mangakas and hope to meet him someday. 


I started One piece anime in high school I really can't remember when but when I saw it on GMA I got hooked I mean its about a kid who wants to be a Pirate King which is awesome and it is freaken so random he is funny and is head strong and always manages to smile and laugh. Straw hat Luffy/Mugiwara no Luffy/ Monkey D. Luffy, or just Luffy is a great character I admire him a lot no wonder he is so famous and has loyal nakamas*friend/companion*. He has unwavering determination and has a pure heart which i wish I had I really want to be like him since he has the strength to be always be with is friend.
I alos like his ability its very unique for an anime mostly it would be a sword or fire but this guy uses the Devil fruit ability which is the Rubber which he gain by eating the Devil fruit of Gomo gomo no mi mean its a very unique power for a lead character and Oda managed to make it the coolest power to have from extending his extremities or any part of his body into weapon by extending or stretching. He is like the fool he ventures around he has the greatest potential and growth and plus he has a Straw hat!

His Rag tag crew the Mugiwara Pirates a.k.a. the Straw Hat Pirate which started with only 5 grew into a 9 member crew as time went by establishing an epic crew and a lovable family. The First mate the Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zorro the master of a sword style which uses 3 swords, Nami the navigator with power with weather manipulation, Ussop the liar but also the legendary sogeking the king of  sniper, Black Leg Sanji the Chef and also a master of Leg to hand combat which inspired me to take up martial art.Tony Tony  Chopper the Doctor who is a talking dear *yes what other anime has that?*, Nico Robin the former assassin, an archeologist and a survivor of a great incident known as the devil child, Franky the cyborg and also the ship wright and Brook a walking skeleton and is also the musician and a good swordsman, of course we can't forget Going Merry whose death made me really emotional btw she is their ship and now Thousand Sunny made by Franky. Their are so many colorful characters of which I can't even begin to describe from east blue to the vast new world.

I grew fond of them as time goes by and it looks like I wont be leaving this manga anytime soon. their bond as friends amaze me and I admire it so much each character their dream, passion conviction,how they compliment each other and the sacrifices they will do for each other it amazes me even though I know to some people it's just an anime/manga i think it is the best there is.

"I'll do whatever you cannot do. And you do whatever I cannot do!!!"

-Sanji to Ussop

My favorite Dialogue:
Monkey D. Luffy: Robin! I still haven't heard it from your mouth!
Monkey D. Luffy: Say you want to live!!
Nico Robin: To live, I thought wishing for it was forbidden...(starts crying as she flashes back to the numerous people who told her she shouldn't be alive)
Nico Robin: Nobody would allow me that ...(flashes back to Saul telling her that nobody is born to be alone, then to Sogeking telling her to believe in Luffy)
Nico Robin: If... I'm allowed to declare my wish... Then I... I want to Live! Take me out to sea with you!

My Favorite Luffy Line:
-"Are you bastards insane!!? Don't you dare to even dream that you'd survive having the world as your enemy!!!!
Luffy:I'D BE HAPPY TO LIVE WITH THAT-----!!!!"

-Luffy: Make that Flag burst into flame...


One Piece forever! 

Consistency or Annoying?

When does consistency become annoying?

A question I often ask myself I am an annoying person because sometimes I don't know whether I am over doing something like am I caring to much or am I caring to little. I have always had problem with control in limiting.

Really I get this problem most of the time i over step my boundary most often that I drives people away when I try to help I tend to over do it that I reach a point of being nosy and it saddens me I hate that about me. Some times I care to little that in the later run it gives me a guilt trip.

Example right now I like someone but i don't want to drive her away that's why I am being careful but I don't want to over do it so how should I do it...

I often lose my mind because of this so indecisive...

I Hate...

Hate is a strong word using this word at something or someone would be like condemning them and really if I ask you sometimes don't you just love to hate? Man through out history has committed so many horrible things like war because of hate even because of the simplest reason as long as they despised and disgusted something or someone they will act upon it. One of the greatest hate crime committed was the Holocaust during the second world war where Fuhrer of Germany had an order to execute all Jews upon site or captured for mass execution just because he thought of them as an inferior race and hated the thought of them existing in the world he wants.

If there is one thing one can not avoid it is to hate but how we deal with it is important. Usually people would hate simple stuff like if they don't like something food, object or anything else that has caused them a bad experience example if I kicked your birthday cake and called you ugly you could hate me or you don't understand something and it seems to be a threat then it will eventually become hate.

So yeah such a long introduction but like all my post this will be about me and what I hate. I hate most kind of people I just try to understand them mostly I have low tolerance for idiots who acts like they know it asll but knows jack squat, pretentious motherfuckers, but MOST OF ALL I HATE myself.. TADA! what a shocking tiwst of events yes people I hate myself more than anything. You'd be surprise that a warm guy who always smile and tends to laugh like there's no tomorrow could hate himself its simple really it's because I feel like I am a disappointment to myself and as human being. I lived life in different states of life I have been to a low point where I lived in an attic where we barely had room for three to a luxurious life of our own but even at that point I seemed unhappy and at some point still hated what I am.

 I have many insecurities and consider myself as a big failure one would be letting myself go I hate how fat I got when I entered college cause I was to lazy. I AM SUPER LAZY! You would be amazed up to what stat e if laziness i can reach. I am so lazy that I barely opened a book in my college life and would rather sleep all day than open my Bruner, I hated the fact that I can never get rid of this bad habit of mine to always put something off it really bothers me that I could have accomplished more if was a little more responsible.

Second I hate that I am indecisive that I would ask people what I should do it causes me so much inconvenience not only me but also other people I hate being a burden it causes me to panic and causes me to go on full depression mode if my indecisiveness causes our group to fail at some point.

Third I hate my sensitive personality I cry easy but I don't show it to many people I mean even a simple word can make me cry. I mean even those movies i watch like one more chance, and other Bea John Lloyd movies made me cry my eyes out. I know it's a sign of strength but mine i just annoying I cry about the littlest of things but sometimes I can be so heartless that I don't even cry it is like I am crazy.

I hate a lot of things about me it may seem shallow but really it bothers me but this takes the cake I mean when this happen I want to hurt myself actually I did plenty of times I would scratch myself to bleed, cut my wrists, starve myself, bruise my self inflict as much physical pain as possible. Yes, my stubborn hard headed when it comes to someone I like, I never learn from this I had my hearts torn apart and into pieces because my heart doesn't know how to stop my the longest was for 3 years i liked this girl and for some reason my heart just won't give out until I realized there was no point then my first relationship even though it was more of a one sided thing but I kept at it man it annoys me why am I like this. It really annoys me why am I like this when I like a girl though it may shock you that if I really like girl and I mean head over heels I would go text book reaction of a person who is inlove I blush, I have my heart pump out faster, my heart feels heavy, i tremble when I am with her, It's hard to control myself, i say stupid things, I shake, I smile most of the time, I can't take my eyes off of her I mean she the way I feel when I'm around her is like heaven I feel so pathetic.I give in to my emotions often I hate it. But in reality what I hate is hurting other people It makes me feel miserable... I wish I could just die sometimes but I can't dying would only be escaping I deserve to be punished for all the wrongs I have done I have to atone.  I just hate it how my mind works...

hahays I cant feel happy even though payday bukas kasi I miss this person...
 

A Fool's Happiness

What is Happiness? According to Miriam-Webster Happiness Dictionary "happiness" \ˈha-pē-nəs\ is the state of well-being and contempt; or a pleasurable or satisfying feeling or so it say it can be anything really it can take up any form but in truth it is a choice.  When I was A kid I don't remember myself smile much or be happy about something because really I was a kid who you could say didn't have much the only time i would smile was for the camera which honestly i didn't even do often considering we didn't have a camera back then. I was skinny little bug eyed child with a shaved head who rarely played with anyone and the only time I played with other children was when I was in the province where I was with my cousins or with this kids named Patay and Buno *translated to: Kill and Murder* I am serious about the name.

I grew up in the seaside under the care of a nanny,Nanay Oke, that took care of me 24/7 while my mom works for something to feed me with and try and save up for money for my future. Life back then was simple my Tatay Rudy took care of me when Nanay Oke was doing laundry so yeah he was disabled paralyzed waist down but he took care of me in the afternoon where he would make me wooden sword which i would play when I was in the seawall during hot afternoons or during the relaxing sunrise in the Seaport. My life was simple I was a loner most of the times unless with my cousins they were the closest thing I had to a friend. I was into a lot of fights as a child I was often ridiculed because of my fair skin. They often called me names like buaya or Batibot because i was different it made me sad an distant.

Four years of my life I did not know my father because he left us when The times I was born with no contact of what so ever though that's a story for another time. I was left not knowing who he was so basically that gave m some trust issues growing up I was silent, angry, and distant. It affected me in some way but when I finally got to meet my dad and introduced to my dad's family I was pampered to make up for the things they missed as I grew up I know they tried their best but at some point I wasn't really happy because my mom was sad and having a hard time because my lolo didn't want her till it escalated and we left.

Then I drew up in Youngfeild the a place filled with informal settlers and 50% of he crime population of Tacloban City yes It was thrilling yet I still had no friends. My mom didn't want me to play with some of the kids since their parents tend to spread rumors gossips and fights so as much as possible we didn't want to be tangled in that sort of problem so I was left to alone to play with myself though sometimes i try to go out mom would catch me and punish me for it. I still get into fights which sometimes causes me to go home with scars in my face and blood all over.

I never had much to be happy with cause I wasn't contented the only thing that could distract me was power rangers and cartoons. Then I got my brother most of the attention went to him even until now some what he still gets what he wants and I am left to endure with what I have most of the time I try to understand but still a bit disappointed and depressed. So yes it's like a pattern for me I never seem contented with the stuff and when it comes to friends I only had few which was good at lest i know they were honest. At some point I tried to belong to the cool kids but didn't work out I was to different hot tempered and quite and was a bit violent but I mellowed with age. When i transferred in to Sacred Heart School a school filled with rich Chinese descents where my cousin studied I started being more social and talk some more but it was over time i was still shy and was a bit silent till I met my best friend Anthony Stephen C. Yang which was one hell of a guy reckless has a bad mouth and was a great person to be with. I was finally happy with the things It sky rocketed until high school. It was all fun till I met M.R. the very first girl I was crazy about but in the long run I noticed I was just in love with the idea of having a girl friend rather than have a relationship with her it really screwed me up but i learned took me 3 years *Yes yes so sad* it was a learning curve I was more of miserable than happy. Yes, for a pubescent boy being in a relationship dating a girl you like was happiness now I think its stupid because you can be happy even though you're single.

Then I got into a relationship I was a happy little boy then again what did I know about happiness I was watching way to much TV teleserye and thought life was like that but I learned with my relationship with mae my 1st girlfriend that it wasn't all fun and games we broke up in one month she wasn't serious at all while I was I cried like a little bitch but I learned I got together with her again we lasted for 1 year and 8 months my longest run in a relationship. That relationship was more heart aches than happiness It was kind of one sided with me exerting all the effort and we had a some what distant relationship we would see each other for like an hour every month it was difficult but it was happiness for me but like everything else if you tend to get tired you leave it was tiring special we were oceans apart when we were in college. 

In the long run yes I learned that happiness can come from anything from family or people or the little things we just need to appreciate things in a different point of view. Though I am a person who always see the bad things first like I view the worst case scenario and all other scenarios that go with it that is somehow my mind works but i manage to pull off a positive view because if you only see bad things you tend to look hope for a better scenario though its very difficult for me because like I said before I am actually a very negative person who try to stay positive. I see the world as a pile of garbage corrupted and stupid but I still hope that there are good people and it can all be turned around that is how I see the world though sometimes I get tired of trying to see the good in stuff be happy in the worst of cases like right now I am in a difficult spot but I am happy it gets tiring really cause Sometimes I just put up this happiness so that people will not bother me yet beyond all of this I manage to find happiness she keeps me inspired and happy and keeps me sane without her knowing... So what is your Happiness?

Nyahaha thats my post for today Bukas ko na i-edit haha!

The Artist

     Ever since I can remember I have always loved to draw i have this fascination to create things with my hands. I tend to think that the pencil and paper are the extension of my being because with that I can't help but express myself in more ways than one. The way I draw will show you how I am and it often show you how I feel with the strokes, the things I draw, how the character look and many more. I started drawing Superman with a stick figure and a cape that was back when I was 4 or 5 i think He had the Kiss me Knot hair and the S shield in his chest so basically I'm guessing superman was one of my first super hero. 

I can draw as many things as I want and my Mama would say I had a creative mind and I would draw any paper as long as I have a ball pen or pencil even in class I would draw. My inspiration back then was the cartoons I watched it gained my interest and how one day i want be able to become a cartoonist well at some point. I watched Spider-Man then`and it got me more into drawing.I drew him most of the time it was in way difficult for me since I am not really a good though I guess it was because of my obsession with drawing that I developed through repetition. Everyday I would draw something but as I grew old I lost time for it still I draw with most of my inspiration coming from cartoons and anime. Then came Dragon Ball that was what woke me up to the bulky figures and also a step to practicing my accuracy in anatomy though I thought it was good and others seems to think so as well but for some reason I was never satisfied and I kept at it.

Then in Grade 4 in Sacred heart I managed to procure a comic book for 20 pesos it was old It was a 1997 printing of the Spectacular Spider-Man with Ben Reilly as Spider-Man rather than Peter and he was fighting Carnage. That comic book inspired me to make my own comics then it had bad art and story telling and had a bed scene man was I screwed up growing up but because of this first comics I made a friend and this friend bought the comics and now that started a 8 years friendship and till now he still is my best friend. It was nice that my drawing manage to bring me and a friend I would trust and be someone I would spend the happiest moments of my elementary and high school days with. Then came a long Niko this guy was the DEAL! He was Talent built in his hands I mean he could draw, he could paint, he could do anything with any art materials he has and  he was my idol and I also considered his skills as a challenge and at some point I would be able to keep up with him. I was behind him when it comes to talent and really as time went by I was left to eat dust since I wasn't really supported by my parents in my talents as Niko's parents was supportive on his.

Then in high school not much skill developed but I was able to develop the design of my first super hero he was my very own unique design though the ability was loosely based on Sedusa*PPG* but yeah it was twisted and had creatures based on mythology and many more. Then the rest of the years just passed by without me getting much stuff to learn with then 4th year entered we had a Great Teacher who I admired he was both good in English and Arts the only things I was good at in high school world literature and it kept me going but it was mythology that kept me hooked. He taught us how to sketch to basic design and stuff with still life I excelled in sketching and practically sucked when it comes to coloring. I AM COLOR BLIND! ever since i can't color I am the definition of SUCK! when it comes to coloring but Indian ink and calligraphy got me back and hooked I loved making lotus plants and bamboo and roses though lately I haven't done it for years. We also had an art Exhibit which gave me a chance to showcase my work. Then I realized it was near Niko and Kwinkee's work so yeah mine was kinda not so good compared to them. This Year I also got into Manga which Inspired me to be a Mangaka*someone who makes manga* and anime artist but I realized it would be hard if your weren't Japanese so there I had to go and give that up but making mangas were fun so I still continued with the idea. Some of the inspiration i had was from Art attack which I almost forgot I got into wire sculpting and paper sculptures I made monsters though mom threw some of it out and some got lost in the exhibit piece of a an history exhibit.

Then came college I was in nursing granting the wish of my mom this was where I met other people like me FRUSTRATED ARTISTS! That was me and Dru with Allen and JP who also enjoyed to draw but thought if their work inferior to ours hell i though Dru's was far better than mine his art was a style picked up from the artist of Full Metal Alchemist while mine was from D. Gray man with hint of Tite Kubo filled with violence and gore* I have always been fascinated with blood and pain and torture so yeah I am into "weird" stuff*. We had Logic with Sir Lataza or our group would call it ART CLASS! it was fun though we learned new things shared techniques. During this time my inspiration expanded from anime to games and many more I got more into Japanese themed art rather than equal in both western. Then I learned Niko took up animation and in what I saw Niko has improved so much min looked SHIT! compared to his beautiful masterpieces but that didn't let me down I kept trying I read books about it i scoured the internet then i started my obsession with correcting the anatomical anomalies of my drawing. Mostly all I ever did was practice when i had time I posted it on FB t have my friends critique it but i still needed to improve it was never good enough for me but rather sometimes I would quite in the middle of a project since of my temper which I am usually in control of maybe because of my frustration and considering myself as some what of a failure in art. Then finally i was introduced into the idea of digital art and I loved it computer and art together my two favorite things aside from food. basically its much easier to use as a medium but takes time to learn and it would require special tools but at least you won't have to wasted paper every time you would make a mistake. 

I was still in nursing while my brother took up animation he was like me and though openly admitted he was not as good as me and referred to me as one who helped him learn I still get annoyed by the fact that he got to took up a course that is related to art. I kept learning though I still teach him and he imparts his learning to me as well we traded information and techniques but sometimes we tend to disagree and he can be a know it all sometimes. It work to my advantage though I manage to learn new stuff unlike the last time I looked at it as an opportunity to learn some more. Then I came into the comic band wagon the buff and heroic unlike the anime of fantasy and pretty boy but i didn't regret it because somehow drawing anime is fun but can limit your potential for growth as an artist you set yourself confined to them. People thought of my drawing as okay since they aren't as into comics as I am they see my work as too buff and dirty since I use sketch and i tend to be dirty when working still I manage to improve time after time i improved so much in a span of 1 year still not enough though compared to Niko but he inspired me he was my Idol I wanted to be like him an one man animation production team with his vicious Marianing which took him 2 years and thousands of paper to finish but it was worth it i guess he was a Filipino talent i could be proud of. I met people like spike my brothers friend who's father is a national artist his works are godly if you ask me. Then it inspired me I want to bring back the Filipino comics like what Gerry A. a marvel ink artist and a comic book writer did with a 9 page Darna fan comic he is Filipino by the way and he is also mister Rape face in the internet. I want to gather my friends to bring the Pinoy Komiks back to life that is my dream or draw batman or my original character Gorgon* I made him when i was 8 he by the way kills his enemies* and as of now I don't know my tabetha broke*pen tablet* so I'm having a hard time practicing digital art so I have to do pencil drills and practice kazuma kaneko..* i love his art he is the artist of shin magami tensei and most often are based on different Norse, Indian, eastern mythology* Now I keep practicing hoping one day I will become good enough to be considered a real artist who can color.

I will sleep now I still have work later 9am and ist already 1:30 am goodnight Imma post again tomorrow

The Fool

This will be my very first blog entry honestly I don't know how to really blog but I'm willing to try something that won't kill me as this so if you don't min kindly bare with me. I am not really what you would call one who a noticeable person I am often ignored more often than you think and I don't mind this except sometimes it affects my chances in stuff i want to do.

 I am an art enthusiast though I may not look like it because honestly I look like a thug who is always ready to pounce and fight and often mistaken for a bad guy or sometimes a snob with all honesty I am not though I tend to be full of prejudice but try to reject the idea that runs through my head. My thoughts stuck in my head is an array of chaos it is not really organized my trainer at work told me that my thoughts processes fast and it leaves with being unable to completely express in a complete sentence what I want to say and often spurts out words that tend to be inappropriate or out right stupid. I am always troubled because of my thoughts many people see me as a happy person but as the saying goes "The are two sides of a coin" i may smile always but that's because it scares people or rather worry them so I put a facade of smile and happiness but in truth there are a lot of stuff that haunts me.

I am a FOOL because what i believe will be often regarded by people as mere idealistic rather than realistic I am attracted to the idea that there is always good in people and there is always room for change because i believe that the idea "Change is the Nature of Life". I carry this Idea with me all the time probably the reason why I was able to put up with my college major which is Nursing but really I have no intentions of being a nurse in the beginning it was just some ploy to keep my mom and dad happy while I help people and  get a chance to study abroad and study art I want to be a concept artist like Kazuma Kaneko or an Comic book artist like Greg Capullo, Steve Dikto, Tod Macfarlane and many more but i had to keep up with the pace of nursing so rather i had a hard time improving my skills.

A hero is always what i wanted to be that is why i resort to hero worship to establish an identity that I can always keep sane and be a hope to other like what Superman and Spider-Man is despite all that may come or problems that may come their way but with all honesty I AM ALWAYS AFRAID! Though it doesn't stop me from being trusting with people sad is sometimes I feel betrayed but lately it hasn't happened which is good but I have been left before people might not get it since I don't rally tell them that rather I distract them with trivia's jokes and my happy antics which often makes me feel like I am a liar. I keep smiling no matter what and tell people you can endure anything if you just keep smiling and change your view on stuff yes it does work for me but not all the time specially when I get my heart broken not just by people I am romantically inclined with but also with people I trust which is might also be the reason why I never want to fail anyone even to an extent where in it can cause me devastation or even left me to state of nothingness. Sometimes i feel like a hypocrite because of things I tell people but rather than doing nothing I try to cheer them up with words I have learned through the years that I use to say to myself.

I am a fool simply because I would put other peoples happiness before me it can be seen in the way I act and often present myself to help all the time. My mindset is that if a can make people happy I can be happy but at the end of the day it leads to what I want and sometimes my decisions disappoint me like why couldn't I just bear with it I'd rather see other people than see myself happy why can't it just go that way. I mean why can't I just be happy when other people happy but sometimes I think myself as fake thinking like. You will notice that there are a lot "I"s in this blog which often makes me think I'm just a selfish person trying to convince myself that doing the right thing to do is the way to be happy rather it could just be to satisfy some kind of narcissistic hero images. 

I am a fool because I like to always blame myself for everything because one thing I don'y really like blaming other people cause that's just some poor excuse to not be responsible for the problem at hand, second is I was there I could have done something instead I just stood there, and last cause maybe somewhere in my heart I have difficulty in trusting others or maybe I take it so that others won't. I like to bare the problems in the world in me thinking that I CAN HANDLE THIS! but really more often than not it overwhelm me and like said before I tend to get my hero idealism that I can uphold this with my morality and sanity still intact.

In reality I am not always like this and this is what I am scared of the most like I said that everyone has two sides like a coin the other side could be cold, uncaring, and selfish which is one thing I never want to be but sometimes I cant help but be this person it sends me spiral of depression and this happens more often than people think since most of the time I just smile nod and laugh.

I've always wanted to tell people this but I am to scared of how they will react towards this my personas helps me compensate in dealing with this world cause when it comes down to all I CAN'T TAKE REJECTION really and it will torment me and haunt me over and over and maybe because of the reason i tend to be over emotional but that is for another story. All in all I am a person that is an open book but with many hidden chapters in my life and I hide it with smiles and cheerfulness sometimes even beer won't make me speak about this stuff. I guess that's all for today It sounds kinda winy but really sometimes It tends to be Don't even get me started with my inferiority complex and my temper. Sometimes I can't manage my personality its often in shambles and it conflicts with one another but I guess because I tend to be a fool but like the fool I think I can be something in the end but the hard part is the negativity that comes with it.