I Hate...

Hate is a strong word using this word at something or someone would be like condemning them and really if I ask you sometimes don't you just love to hate? Man through out history has committed so many horrible things like war because of hate even because of the simplest reason as long as they despised and disgusted something or someone they will act upon it. One of the greatest hate crime committed was the Holocaust during the second world war where Fuhrer of Germany had an order to execute all Jews upon site or captured for mass execution just because he thought of them as an inferior race and hated the thought of them existing in the world he wants.

If there is one thing one can not avoid it is to hate but how we deal with it is important. Usually people would hate simple stuff like if they don't like something food, object or anything else that has caused them a bad experience example if I kicked your birthday cake and called you ugly you could hate me or you don't understand something and it seems to be a threat then it will eventually become hate.

So yeah such a long introduction but like all my post this will be about me and what I hate. I hate most kind of people I just try to understand them mostly I have low tolerance for idiots who acts like they know it asll but knows jack squat, pretentious motherfuckers, but MOST OF ALL I HATE myself.. TADA! what a shocking tiwst of events yes people I hate myself more than anything. You'd be surprise that a warm guy who always smile and tends to laugh like there's no tomorrow could hate himself its simple really it's because I feel like I am a disappointment to myself and as human being. I lived life in different states of life I have been to a low point where I lived in an attic where we barely had room for three to a luxurious life of our own but even at that point I seemed unhappy and at some point still hated what I am.

 I have many insecurities and consider myself as a big failure one would be letting myself go I hate how fat I got when I entered college cause I was to lazy. I AM SUPER LAZY! You would be amazed up to what stat e if laziness i can reach. I am so lazy that I barely opened a book in my college life and would rather sleep all day than open my Bruner, I hated the fact that I can never get rid of this bad habit of mine to always put something off it really bothers me that I could have accomplished more if was a little more responsible.

Second I hate that I am indecisive that I would ask people what I should do it causes me so much inconvenience not only me but also other people I hate being a burden it causes me to panic and causes me to go on full depression mode if my indecisiveness causes our group to fail at some point.

Third I hate my sensitive personality I cry easy but I don't show it to many people I mean even a simple word can make me cry. I mean even those movies i watch like one more chance, and other Bea John Lloyd movies made me cry my eyes out. I know it's a sign of strength but mine i just annoying I cry about the littlest of things but sometimes I can be so heartless that I don't even cry it is like I am crazy.

I hate a lot of things about me it may seem shallow but really it bothers me but this takes the cake I mean when this happen I want to hurt myself actually I did plenty of times I would scratch myself to bleed, cut my wrists, starve myself, bruise my self inflict as much physical pain as possible. Yes, my stubborn hard headed when it comes to someone I like, I never learn from this I had my hearts torn apart and into pieces because my heart doesn't know how to stop my the longest was for 3 years i liked this girl and for some reason my heart just won't give out until I realized there was no point then my first relationship even though it was more of a one sided thing but I kept at it man it annoys me why am I like this. It really annoys me why am I like this when I like a girl though it may shock you that if I really like girl and I mean head over heels I would go text book reaction of a person who is inlove I blush, I have my heart pump out faster, my heart feels heavy, i tremble when I am with her, It's hard to control myself, i say stupid things, I shake, I smile most of the time, I can't take my eyes off of her I mean she the way I feel when I'm around her is like heaven I feel so pathetic.I give in to my emotions often I hate it. But in reality what I hate is hurting other people It makes me feel miserable... I wish I could just die sometimes but I can't dying would only be escaping I deserve to be punished for all the wrongs I have done I have to atone.  I just hate it how my mind works...

hahays I cant feel happy even though payday bukas kasi I miss this person...